Self-Handicapping: The Silent Killer of Creative Success

Image courtesy Patricia Buck, Artist.

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SELF-HANDICAPPING is not only the Silent Killer of Creative Success. It is indeed the silent killer of life satisfaction and a major obstacle to you living up to your potential and contributing your unique gifts to the world.

In my previous blog post, "Are you unwittingly self-sabotaging?" I wrote about Upper Limiting behaviours that stem from unconscious fears that hold you back from operating in your zone of genius. This is the concept very well-articulated by Gay Hendricks in his book, The Big Leap.

Today's topic is tangential. The psychological strategy of Self-Handicapping was first introduced by Edward E. Jones and Steven Berglas in their 1978 study, defining it as actions or choices that enhance the opportunity to externalise failure and internalise success.

Definition

Self-handicapping is an anticipatory mechanism through which you sabotage your probabilities of success by creating an obstacle, real or fictitious, that serves as an alibi against an expected failure. This strategy outsources the reasons for a hypothetical low performance to focus attention on the handicap rather than on personal incompetence.

Self-handicapping can be effective in the short term because it serves to protect your sense of self-worth. However, recurrent use leads to low performance which results in fractured feelings of personal worth.

Some people stay here. Some people numb-out, distract, develop addictions to manage the uncomfortable feelings of not living their potential.

Could you be doing this, even a little bit?

Some people ignore their inner voice. I know. I have done this at times, and I have felt an awful pit in my gut, "knowing" I was not on the right track; I was avoiding the fear of judgment, the fear of humiliation should I have tried, and what I produced was sub-standard, or ill-received.

Instead of taking that risk, unconsciously, I held back and played safe. And, according to Gay Hendricks:

"The universe will teach us our lessons with the tickle of a feather or the whomp of a sledgehammer, depending on how open we are to learning the particular lesson."

In this analogy, getting stubborn and defensive invites the sledgehammer; and getting open and curious invites the feather.

Personal Reflection

When I first learned of this concept, it made a whole lot of things in my life potentially make sense. I say potentially because I was unsure whether the things that had happened to me were indeed self-handicapping, but they certainly could have been.

In my younger adult years, I was riddled with a mix of self-doubt and a driving ambition to experience life to the full. I was never content with ordinary. That is not a judgment – but rather an expression of such a deep value in wonder, in curiosity to connect with the myriads of extraordinary places, things and experiences that this life has to offer. I took big life risks. I worked hard. I was relentless.

The one thing missing from my pursuits was a dedication to my own personal expression. I supported others to shine, to succeed, to create. Some of that might well come from how we, as women, are raised – to be the nurturer, the supporter, and perhaps an acceptance of the limited opportunities we are / were given. But mostly, and deep down I kind of know, it came from a profound unconscious sense of self-doubt.

My "not listening" was dramatic.

I could feel the disquiet, always. Still, I held back. I was stubborn. I resiliently ploughed ahead, not listening to my inner voice.

Terrible things happened to me, many times. Including 3 potential/ near-death experiences.

As I have already mentioned, I cannot know for certain that those things were me self-handicapping. Maybe they were just repeated really bad luck.

But now I listen, and I am open to so much more that, at a glance, may seem impractical.

Things like this:

"If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you don't bring forth what is within you, what you don't bring forth will destroy you." – Gospel of Thomas.

I supported my husband in his career as a movie director. I helped him write the scripts that he loved, not what I loved. I worked as a producer – in service of others' vision, still waiting to be self-expressive.

I believe this was the source of my aneurysm, and it nearly killed me.

Maybe this is not true – but being left, where most would have died, still able to speak, when so many of my brain-injury peers had to learn to walk and talk again, and some never would ever again, made me wonder whether this was my gift, given to me so that I would speak and have my own voice.

What I do know is this: I am still here to connect, to communicate and to contribute. I know that when I am engaged in this, I feel light and emotionally clear.

Now, when I feel that pit in my gut, I stop. I listen. I ask myself, "What am I not doing?"

Reality and Self-Handicapping

Let's face it, there is no such thing as objective reality. There is our perception of reality, and there is relativity. As we contemplate Quantum physics, this concept becomes even more "real" as reality shifts through observation.

Now let's get personal, and back to Self-Handicapping.

Psychology shows us that people protect their self-worth by creating obstacles, sometimes in the form of accidents, that serve as alibis against an expected or possible failure.

My invitation to you is to be open to the concepts of self-sabotage and self-handicapping. Knowing they are true for some people, could they also be true for you?

Sure, they help you in the short term, but over time... watch out! If your actual life is not impacted, then your joy, fulfilment and your potential in the world absolutely will be.

The biggest obstacle to your own creative success is usually you, and it theses obstacles almost always stem from fear.

When you are able to let go of fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of 'being found out', and instead allow yourself to embrace any potential "failure" as feedback and an area for growth, you will be less inclined to self-sabotage, or to self-handicap.

Wake Up to Yourself

Recognise when you are your biggest obstacle. Give yourself the best chance at a fulfilling life, and to help you on your journey, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you believe you have reached your potential? If not – what do you think the problem is? What is stopping you?

2. Where do you want to be doing well, but consistently find yourself not putting in any effort?

3. Do you often find yourself making excuses for poor performance or attitude?

4. Are there times when you delay starting or completing a project because you're worried it might not turn out perfectly?

5. Do you ever find yourself taking on distractions or unnecessary tasks right before an important deadline?

   
   

Procrastination, perfectionism, and distraction-seeking are all common forms of self-handicapping that can prevent you from reaching your full creative potential.

You are worth so much more than that. Your voice matters, so please share your own personal genius with the world, which will make it a better place for us all.

Start by becoming your best advocate, not your closest saboteur.

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